MUTUAL NARCISSISM

SCENE ONE - by sk dunn

A RESTAURANT

(Jim is seated at a table, Roberta enters and sits with him)

ROBERTA:     So then he says, you’re the only one who can run the espresso machine if Sally is not going to be here, and I said Look, Harry, we can show Hilda how to run it and if she can’t learn it by this weekend, then you cover for Sally and Hilda will be able to run it by next weekend.  Then he says “Hilda will never learn to work the espresso machine.”  He’s got this thing about Hilda!  He thinks she too spaced out to be functional.  He thinks that anyone who reads Tarot cards can’t possibly wait tables or something.

JIM:                 Do you believe it?

ROBERTA    And so I said, Look, Harry, then you’re just going to have to cover both weekends because I’m doing my show.  I set this up a long time ago and that’s that.  Jesus!  Just because Sally’s show gets held over, I’m not canceling my show to run his fucking espresso machine.  Really!

JIM:                 Really.

ROBERTA:    Really.  I mean it wouldn’t kill him to work down here once in a while.  You know he never shows up once the garden is closed.  He just wanders around dreaming about next season.  And now he wants to put in a fountain!

JIM:                 A fountain.

ROBERTA:   Yeah, a fountain!  I said, Harry, forget the fountain, what about the waterfall we get down here every time you take a bath up there?

JIM:                  A bath.

ROBERTA:    This whole place is falling apart, and the roaches, don’t get me started about the roaches.

JIM:                  I won’t.  I won’t.

ROBERTA:     I must have taken about a million out of the drawer today and when he came in this morning I said, Harry, look at all these roaches, and you know what he said?  You’re not going to believe this.

JIM:                  I’m not going to believe this, right?

ROBERTA:    Right.  He said, I’ve just bought a stained glass window for the back wall.  You’re going to love it.

JIM:                   Incredible.

ROBERTA:      I mean, a stained glass window!

JIM:                 Really.

ROBERTA:    Really.

(enter Lydia and Russell)

JIM:                 Well.

ROBERTA:    Well.

(Lydia and Russell sit at a table)

LYDIA:            Is this OK?  Are you happy?

RUSSELL:     I’d rather sit outside, wouldn’t you?

LYDIA:            The doors seem to be closed.

RUSSELL:     It’s so dark in here.  What time is it?

LYDIA:            Four o’clock.

RUSSELL:     It’s so dark already

ROBERTA:    Well.

JIM:                 Well.

(Roberta steps to the table)

ROBERTA:    Do you need a menu or do you know what you want?

LYDIA:            We’d like to sit outside, please.

ROBERTA:    The garden is closed.

LYDIA:            The garden is closed.

RUSSELL:     The garden is closed.

ROBERTA:    I’ll come back.

(She walks back to Jim)

ROBERTA:    Hey Dave, you want some more coffee?

JIM:                 Sure.

(she exits)

RUSSELL:     I had somehow pictured us out in the garden.

LYDIA:            I know, I’m sorry.

RUSSELL:     Such pleasant memories.  Sometimes I wish I was somewhere else,  sometimes I wonder.

LYDIA:            Let’s just wait and see.

RUSSELL:     Yes, of course, let’s just wait and see.

LYDIA:            Maybe they didn’t mean us anyway.

RUSSELL:     Maybe not.  (he takes out his agenda)  Thursday looks good.

LYDIA:            Afternoon or evening?

RUSSELL:     I don’t care.

LYDIA:            It’s important to care.

RUSSELL:     Friday’s out.

LYDIA:            What a business

(Roberta steps to their table)

ROBERTA:    Do you know what you want yet?

LYDIA:            Would it be possible for us to sit outside?

ROBERTA:    I’m sorry.  The garden is closed.

RUSSELL:     This is very painful for me.

ROBERTA:    I can see that.

LYDIA:            We are concerned about the light.

ROBERTA:    I know.

RUSSELL:     The light fades so quickly these days.

ROBERTA:    I know.

LYDIA:            Perhaps, …?

ROBERTA:    I’m sorry.

LYDIA:            Thank you.

RUSSELL:     Thank you.

(pause)

ROBERTA:    I’ll come back a little later.

(she goes and sits with Jim)

RUSSELL:     What do you think?

LYDIA:            I think it’s a dame shame.

JIM:                 Do you rehearse tonight?

ROBERTA:    Yeah, Sally’s coming in.

LYDIA:            (loud)  I don’t understand why we can’t just do what we want to do!

RUSSELL:     Watch your hands.

LYDIA:            What?

RUSSELL:     Watch … your … hands.

ROBERTA:    Well.

JIM:                  Well.

(she steps up to their table)

ROBERTA:    Do you know what you want?

LYDIA:            Yes.

ROBERTA:    Well?

LYDIA:            Thank you.  What we want is to be able to sit outside.  We don’t want to be any trouble or anything, it’s just that it’s important.

RUSSELL:     I need to cool out.  If I could just stay here longer in the light and cool out.  Please, try to understand.

ROBERTA:    Look, it’s not about that.  I mean none of us want to be stuck in here all winter, it’s just that we have to make the best of it.  You know what I mean?  Look, let me get you a good strong cup of tea.  You’ll feel better.  You’ll figure it out.  Trust me.

LYDIA:            What do you think?

RUSSELL:     I don’t know.

LYDIA:            What if she’s right?

RUSSELL:     I ... can’t ... think.

LYDIA:            You’re very kind.

ROBERTA:    Never mind.

(she exits)

LYDIA:            Never mind.

RUSSELL:     I know.  I know.

...

SCENE TWO - by Jim Neu

A PARTY

...

(sk enters, then Jim)

sk:       Did I meet you before?

JIM:     Not yet.

sk:       Now I remember.

JIM:     You’d remember.

sk:       I didn’t meet you.  You didn’t meet me.

JIM:     We’ve got a lot in common.

sk:       Very movie.

JIM:     Thanks.

sk:       Do you practice talking like that?

JIM:     Who’s kidding whom?

sk:       Terrific.

JIM:     You’ve got a lot of detachment.

sk:       I get by.

JIM:     If it keeps going, it keeps going.  I mean that’s it, right?  If it does it does.  If not what’s to talk about?

sk:       You’re right, I’d remember.

JIM:     Just part of the big movie.

sk:       This isn’t your first brush with detachment.

JIM:     It’s not where you’re coming from, it’s where you’re not coming from.

sk:       Terrific.

JIM:     You call it.

sk:       Yeah.

JIM:     Yeah yourself.

sk:       And your face is so straight.

JIM:     You notice.

sk:       I notice plenty.  Don’t get me started on what I notice.

JIM:     With me it comes and goes.

Both:   I see what I look at.

sk:       What a coincidence.

JIM:     Strickly speaking.  Don’t get me started on what you call coincidence.

sk:       Do you believe what you remember?

JIM:     Do you believe what you look at?

sk:       Do you believe you remember what you look at?

JIM:     I’m getting dizzy.

sk:       You exaggerate.

JIM:     What’s the difference?

sk:       You got me.

JIM:     I mean we’re just talking, right?

sk:       Well, there’s detached and there’s disoriented.

JIM:     Basic.  Basic.

sk:       I go, you go.

JIM:     Terrific.

sk:       Some people don’t stop and talk about it.

JIM:     Some people don’t do a lot of things.

sk:       That’s easy for you to say.

JIM:     I couldn’t resist it.

sk:       Do you resist much?

JIM:     All these questions.

sk:       Versatility is a virtue.

JIM:     I don’t think I’ve heard that one.  I don’t think I’ve heard that one but I get the idea.

sk:       Practice.

JIM:     Reflexes.

sk:       Hmmm.

JIM:     Hmmm.

sk:       I feel like I’m on the edge of a major moment.

JIM:     Quite a picture.

sk:       I don’t know what to call it.

JIM:     A kind of detached involvement.

sk:       A kind of cool apprehension.

JIM:     A kind of nervous tranquility.

sk:       A kind of calm intensity.

JIM:     A kind of provocative passivity.

sk:       A kind of aloof anticipation

JIM:     A kind of casual obsessiveness.

sk:       A kind of loose transfixation.

JIM:     You win.

sk:       A kind of singular duplicity.

JIM:     All right.  All right.

sk:       I’ll say anything.

JIM:     Some people are like that.

sk:       Believe me.

JIM:     I believe you.

sk:       Sometimes I mean it.

JIM:     A kind of selective sincerity.

sk:       Good.

JIM:     I don’t just sit around.

sk:       It shows.

JIM:     Good.

…

SCENE FOUR - A BEDROOM

*  *  *

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